It's not a bad life... I get to go places see things, do stuff and I am sincerely satisfied in my place. My head has always been in a different mode than other peoples, I have lived with an obsessive desire to belong to someone or something. It was a desire I discovered in middle school but found no place to satisfy it until a few years later when I met a man who actually knew what I needed... even more than I did.

Simply put, I met him then the first thing we both understood was I would have a place to stay as long as I did what he wanted. He was clean, kind, not pretty really but had a confidence that worked its way inside me instantly. I wanted to have sex with him and did then over the next few years it progressed rapidly to where I agreed to belong, literally... to a group of males, and yes… as their whore.

I have permanent rings in my skin with chains attached to some of the rings and quite frankly I was used for rough sex, humiliation, showing off and experimentation. I have acquired some scars and markings like tattoos, whip welts and cigarette burns and a few body mods like my extended labia and nipples... which bring me to why I am writing this now.

I...may not be able to write this later as I have agreed to have my arms amputated.

The basic idea is so that I may enter a very intense training then be sold as a breeder both to make a tidy sum for my group and to have a place for my own future.

I know it seems counterproductive but i have lived this lifestyle for about 20 years...it is what I know and my age is becoming an issue. I am still young enough to breed successfully and for the most part that is my greatest value in the future.

My group met some people from the Mideast at a bondage convention in Las Vegas that “own” females but one of the people they lent me to seemed very desirous to have me as a ponygirl and to "foal" for him.

At first I didn't really know what they were talking about but I gathered that it meant me being pregnant and them taking the babies to be trained from birth as dedicated ponies. Apparently my body and specifically my legs and belly were desireable for their needs and my attitude was something that they hoped could pass on to my offspring. It was all put in livestock terms as they spoke and I was warned that in such matters I will never speak or even think of the "foals" as anything more that a product and a possession of the owner... my owner.

I think my easy agreement sort of sealed that deal and now my men stand to make very good money by selling me and my new owners will make money by breeding me. For an attitude test I was taken to the facility and shown what I will be required to do. It was made very clear that this deal will be for the rest of my life and it would not be likely that I would be allowed to live away from the facility nor even be kept alive when I am no longer of breed value....as weird as that seems it appeals to me to know that I have a definite value but once I am no longer useful I won't be set on the street to die as a lonely old whore. I sincerely think I will be able to "foal” for 20 years. So it's a fairly decent agreement.

I was to be handled as if I were already sold ... for two weeks. My owners were all there as I was put on a charter jet at a small airfield in Arizona. Once in the air the prospective owners had requirements of me and in these commands I became aware of who was who in rank among them. Of course I was stripped and it was stated that obviously the female should never be covered unless the males feel it better for THEIR comforts. Next were the short chain and shackle for my neck and waist and simple thick shackles for my wrists and ankles.

Not that they cared what I thought but as a test of my own attitude they explained things to me. The shackles were temporary and would be replaced with slimmer permanent stainless bands but at no time would I ever be allowed off the chain. The jet was barely tall enough to stand in (I noticed I was taller than all the males) but they did have a way to secure me upright in the middle of the seating space... a post that padlocked to my neck band and it was explained that I would stand the entire flight, about 16 hours they said with refuels and routings, EXCEPT when we landed in Mexico they would let the Airport Official have sex with me.

I stood and stood and listened to the chatter among them in whatever language it was (I know now it was a Modern Aramaic)...Then attention turned to me and I was summarily caned rather viciously with absolutely no warning. They decided that my sounds were unacceptable and noted that my tongue and vocal chords needed to be removed and that would have to come off the price. For the time though, they had a nice leather gag that had a rubber dick just long enough to make me gag and to hold my tongue down inside my mouth. I puked a while then eventually began to dry out and have less need to spasm while they watched and wiped me down from time to time.

I think it took me about an hour to fully accept the rubber device strapped tightly to my face and fully in my throat... I was fairly proud when they told me that most never get used to it (and of course they all laughed so delighted with that fact!)

They rummaged around and found a longer device that was not as thick then removed the one in me and spent some time figuring out how to secure the longer piece to it. This time my hair was held back and jaw jacked open with some dental tool as they inserted it. I can't explain how disturbing it was to feel my air cut off but eventually you find a way to get air around the thing if you want to breathe... and I did. I figured how to open my throat wider by trying to hum real low. That too pleased them to see and hear. The same things that drive me... struggling to meet a challenge and pleasing those who challenge me, were also the things that delighted these men they really appreciated my struggle to accept the challenge and not fight it. I knew this was going to be a great relationship for me.

So for the remaining few hours the foot long rubber dick spent in my throat I was also being caned mostly on my breasts and belly. They looked very close at my eyes and listened to the sounds i made. I think they were very pleased.

Upon arrival I was released from the post and walked by the chain to my neck shackle… pretty much the way an animal control officer would a stray dog being taken to the truck. I was put in a cage in the rear of the plain white suburban with blacked windows as the men sat in the custom and rather luxurious interior. The trip took maybe fifteen minutes with turns and stops and speeding down rough roads...I was on all fours in the cage as the men looked back to observe me, they noted in English to me that my breasts jiggled and not flopped...more points for me...and they noted that it was unusual for such large "teats" to be that firm. I tried to thank them with my eyes as my neck was still full of rubber.

Inside the gates, a group gathered outside the opened doors at the back of the vehicle. My cage was lifted out by four men who apparently were workers but not slaves. There was much conversation among them, seemingly about me. I became more a topic as i was removed from the cage and the chain was passed around for each of them to "inspect me" in their own way. Some simply cupped a breast before slapping it and others needed to get their hands inside me but all watched my face as they did. I simply could not keep my delight concealed. I was in heaven. Then I began to gag again and my throat closed a bit when I lost concentration... falling to my knees then face down I struggled for air.

I was slapped a LOT and whipped a bit as they stood me up and the device was slowly pulled from my mouth. I gulped in air...two breaths then immediately apologized. I wanted so much to please them! "Please Masters, forgive me I will try harder to accept my tasks I am so sorry Masters!"

"Cow! Those are the last words you will speak without being TOLD to speak!" I swiftly nodded YES! Then listened with some delight to then returning to the subject of my vocal chords and tongue... They seemed to decide it was the vocal chords that simply needed to be snipped but my tongue may be useful.

In English, I assume for my benefit the leader of the bunch ordered me posted until the evening where I would be used by all who had a need for the pink holes of the new white "cow". My neck was padlocked at the tip of a 4 foot high post and I was left in the center of the compound to receive random attentions of passersby. Even Bhurka wearing women would come yell at me and hit my body in anger...but between my legs was an area that seemed off limits.

Men who knew English would taunt me to get a reaction but I knew I was being tested i had to keep my resolve if I was to be worth breeding. "Does your mother know you are being sold to breed for a slaver?" "Is your family proud that you have replaced the family pet?" I would try to nod yes and smile then make sure that I didn't turn my ass toward anyone because; unless it was required of me it was an insult... I learned that from a cigarette being pushed into my hip by a man I didn't even know was behind me. He exclaimed “COW! Never turn your back to me unless you are Commanded so!"

Anyway that night I was taken to sit outside an open cafe looking area, still inside the compound, and anyone who desired used me for sexual relief. Some took me to a room some had me in open view...I was very sore and happily exhausted as I was put next to a wall to sleep in the dirt.

Morning's start early on the farm... even in the Mideast... sunlight was just showing as I was taken to a hose washed down inside and out then walked openly across a very large complex to an area that seemed brand new.

I was placed face down on the machine and supported by metal pads at my belly, shoulders and Mons as my hands and arms were tight behind me and legs secured by the ankle and stretched in a down facing "V". The probes were placed inside me and I was shocked inside about every three minutes then it changed timing. I was told in English that they had research of human females about stimulating her productive capabilities. I could only wonder who or what "institute" had such data as I was not allowed words at all. The tips of my "teats" were attached to what is obviously a milking device that both shocked each teat and sucked vigorously too.

Two hours there then removed and taken to a trainer (female) who worked on my posture. At first it would require mechanical assistance so a hook was placed in my anus and the chain winched tight to my neck shackle which severely arched my back as i was walked and run on the reins and headgear they had strapped to me.

All my instruction was in English first then the Arabic words were spoken after so I began to learn my future masters commands. Most of my day was spent learning how to run with a nice smooth gait and to work around the objects that were exchanged inside me. I was told that later i would be "introduced" to the new "hitch" they wanted to use with me but for today my road lessons would be with a waist harness.

It was a two wheeled thing... like a sulky but bigger and quite noticeably fitted to a human form not a horse. Once I was cinched in tight... (And I mean tight...she told me that my 26 inch waist will have to be pared down to 20 inches for it to fit me comfortably...but for now she simply grunted and yanked my waist into the thick leather belt.) …a bare steel cable, split into a "Y" hung from the front. It was pulled up between my legs from behind as a helper handled my labia into the opening of the "Y" and it too was cinched very tight. I felt the cable dig into me around my labia and press forcefully across my anus. She explained that this cable was not to secure my body but it was to secure my mind. It was to bring the reality of my existence as livestock to my thoughts with every step and ... well she said that it would be increased as needed. By increased she explained she meant that tighter and more abrasive or more barbed cables could be used to keep me mindful of my status. This time it would be simply attached to the belt but in normal use the cable is slipped into a pulley at the back of the belt and a long cable takes the control back to the driver.

She was pleased with the placement of my rings saying that most could be kept where they were. She held the reins to my headgear and stood at attention motioning me that I was to "posture up" too. The Master entered the arena and looked me over as two more of his men came in then some guest observers... there was a smattering of English so I knew it was about my appearance.

Master sat in the carriage then the reins were hands to him as the other two men who I had seen before, climbed in. I felt the load pull down against my hips but just as I realized the obedience cable was a bit looser I was struck sharply with a whip. Anyone knows that means MOVE and I did.

Trying to keep my best gait I went forward toward the wall and would have run into it if Master had not yanked the left rein which in turn slipped through the ring in my headgear and yanked up my left nipple by the ring. I knew and stepped sharply LEFT until it was released then stayed the course toward the gate where a man rushed to open it.

Obviously the gate led OUT of the compound and into "civilian life" I was now out in the open and very very vulnerable. I had no idea what social mores I was breaking but what little I understood if the Mideast I was violating quite a few principles and would likely not just be disrespected but could likely be killed

I trotted ahead as my master required.

It was not in close to a town but a few beast pulled carts were on the dusty road and a few vehicles rushed past raising dust. The males had clothing and even cloth over their faces I was quite nude and had to inhale the dust...I thought it's good that they will kill me when they are done because I'll likely have a lung disease by then...(I know I have too much time inside my own thoughts...).

As people passed by it became pretty clear to me that my masters were rather proud of their beast. It became more evident as I was halted and shown to a group of young males who all handled parts of me at the prompting of my masters. Very curious boys who appeared to relish the chance to inspect a female closely without the fear of punishment. I was at first required to stand legs apart but they soon felt that bent over would be better so I was assisted to my knees and pushed face in the dirt while they explored that which defines my gender.

Three of the very young boys asked questions in English like "Is she a wife?" and "Why she is not covered?" The boys were told that while I was indeed a female I was actually their Cow to be milked and bred and I was out being useful and getting the exercise a good cow needs to be a strong breeder. They were all told to come to the compound in three days to see how I am used. The boys...in fact all we met on the road seemed to know and respect or at least fear the masters. I was very proud to know I would belong to them.

While Master helped me to stand the boys further asked how I was milked (as one pulled at my right nipple). Master told the boy they all could watch me being milked at ElAzir (the name of the compound) but I wouldn't give milk just by the pulling of my teat. The kid was a bit disappointed and a tad vengeful so he yanked that nipple around a bit before letting go. By then all the boys wanted to play with the cows teats and freely did.

"Why are they so big?" a boy asked but the master simply responded "She IS a very good looking beast isn't she?" then mounted up to continue. I think it was a two hour excursion and we encountered perhaps forty people in all but not one seemed to desire offending Master, so I was unharmed except for my bleeding feet, bruised teats and the cuts caused by my "obedience cable"

I was stabled that evening in a dirt stall and left alone... I rested well feeling the residual warmth of my sun exposure and aching but eager for the next morning.